No More Mr. Nice Chai

He got together with Danzeisen Dairy. And he's got these different flavors of milk. He even at one time had a limited special, and it was called No More Mr. Nice Chai. And he gave that a spin there for a while and didn't do that well, so you don't see that on shelves anymore. No more Mr. Nice Chai. I think he sold like none. But anyway, Alice Cooper...

I just got back from North Carolina a while back. I'm just visiting some friends, and I had kind of a family reunion. Maybe like, 20 people I convinced to come see me. I live in Arizona. None of them left. They're all still in North Carolina, and the scalene triangle. That's what I call it, the scaling triangle. It's like a church steeple. That's a scalene triangle. Raleigh Durham and Chapel Hill.

It's not an equilateral triangle. It's called the triangle, though, that's where I'm from. Anyway, I convinced 20 to show up out of the probably 50 that we have at a restaurant in Greensboro we all have been to and like. I'm looking at these 19 other people as an audience at this point because I've got a thing that I'm going to do for the first time.

Ever.

We've all been here where I am, and we've all been asked the question...probably.

All Coca-cola lovers have been through this, I'll say.

It's going to happen, and I've got my audience, and I'm happy because the guy that's taking the orders of all 20 of us is the head waiter.

He's not some young college girl there to make a buck so she can go back to UNC-G and buy a book, so I'm not worried about him. And he asks it.

"Sir, can I get you something to drink?"

" Yes, I'd like a Coca-Cola, please."

"Will Pepsi be okay?"

There it is!!! Go for it Blade!

"No. No, hell no, it won't" with a nice-enough non-offensive smile. And that cross fell off my shoulders and crumbled into pieces on the floor. It's the first time in my life I've said no, a Pepsi will not be okay. All my life I've been a lemming, and I've just sat there, been irritated and said,

"yeah I guess"

Or something just like that.

There are continuums of differences between the two, Pepsi and Coke, especially in the television marketing campaigns that you see their television commercials.

It must be a 21-year-old intern at some marketing company that writes these commercials for Pepsi. It's gotta be. It can't be an adult because they're so stupid. You know, Cokes TV ads aren't stupid, but I'd never say they're good, I don't know of any commercials that are good, per se. Because they're always an interruption on the show that I'm trying to watch.

Always!

I said it for the first time in my life, and now I can go to my grave peacefully.

No, it won't be okay!

It's like ordering a center cut fillet, medium rare, please, and the guy says, will a ballpark frank be okay? How about some Morton's fish sticks, sir, instead of your grilled lobster?

No, let me just tell you something mister.

When you want something, you want it. It's that simple. When you want something, that's what you want.

It's always Pepsi or Coke. It's always Pepsi and Coke. That format of a question never seems to be anything but Pepsi and Coke you know, and they go about half and half. They're all over the world, but Pepsi doesn't sell nearly as many as Coca-Cola does. And so, I got to thinking about that when I was walking out after I got a couple of laughs, you know, some nervous giggles from some people, some hands in people's heads because they expected that kind of thing from me. People looking out the door pretending they're seeing something that's not there.

You know who's really cool and lives around here, and you see him all the time doing something or another. He's in commercials constantly, he's Alice Cooper. And I always laugh when I think of him because he's the guy that came up with this line that I love, and I'll always remember this line. Life is an AA meeting and a round of golf. He stopped drinking and partying probably a billion years ago, and now he's a marketer. He's an entrepreneur. And his latest thing, he got together with this dairy in Laveen, just outside of Phoenix, they are a well-known family-run dairy in the Phoenix area, recognized for bottling their milk in returnable glass bottles.

WRDU studio 1992

It's Danzeisen. And he's got these different flavors of milk. Chocolate, strawberry...he even at one time had a limited special, I didn't get to him in time to suggest the flavor, No More Mr. Nice Chai. I think he would have jumped all over that.

I really do.

And I'll bet he would have given it a shot. He's that way. But anyway, I love strawberry milk. I feel like such a pussboy when I say that.

But I do, you know, I kept the bottle and will hold on to it forever.

Maybe he used Danzeisen for that very reason. For the bottles you can keep.

Alice Cooper, I played in a golf tournament with him in 2017 and he won it. He's a good player. You know, he doesn't have the prettiest swing in the world, but you don't have to. You just have to win, right?

Isn't that it?

I played in it single and came in tied for tenth. I Played well that day. 76, I shot. That's when I was playing golf. I don't play golf anymore. I just don't.

You know who else you see around town a lot who I really like and have grown to like because I kind of know her, is Stevie Nicks. You know, I've talked to her maybe twice, just for a moment. And she'll talk to anybody. She's just sweetie.

She lives here and is from here. You know, and if someone says Stevie Nicks is with us, say hi to Stevie Nicks, and she'll come up and sing a song for whatever combo happens to be on stage that night. And believe me, I mean, she doesn't do it that often because there's not much as far as music in the Phoenix area that I have seen around here. This is the most non-music town I think I've ever been in. I'm serious.

Music is just not a big deal out here. It just is not. They've got one of those sheds for concerts, and many if not all of the big names out there play at the casinos around here which is really cool, but their audio is shitty.

So I don't even go to shows anymore, partly because, as always, they start too late. They start at like 10, 10:30. Hell no. I'm in bed by nine o'clock.